Friday, June 23, 2006
Moved
www.pedantic-antics.blogspot.com
Relink Please (:
holding on to you.
12:11 PM
Monday, June 05, 2006
Well, surprise, I'll be adding a personal list here. It all comes down to the fact that even though I'm clueless and disillusioned, I still believe that I owe each of you a personal word of thanks for the impact that each of you made on me during the camp, feelings aside. There's a time for frustration, and a time for smiles, so here goes (:
The Group.
Angela, different year, same group. Haha, always on the losing end, aren't we (: When the going gets tough, the tough get going, and I think that you did a
reallygood job of holding our group together, conducting discussions and doing all the mundane little things that a group leader has to do. Thanks for never complaining, energising the group, and always smiling(: Oh, and for being someone to talk to when no one else in the group could. On a serious note, thanks for speaking to me tonight about it all, and well, I'm sorry for any misunderstanding.
Theon, you get mention in my blog ! My ego aside, I'm really glad that you showed remarkable maturity during this camp. I noticed that you made a pointed effort to concentrate and stay silent during the messages, even though you made up for it with your incessant chatter afterwards, and nearly killed the group. Alright, you did get on my nerves, and I must admit that I was really a little too harsh on you, but well, you got on my good books too!
Jeanette, this camp was the first time that I had an actual conversation with you, as opposed to some one-liner. Previously, I was rather hesistant when it came to speaking with you, as I was usually rather intimidated by you, but after going through the entire camp preparation as fellow committee members, and later as group members, I do realise that you really are cheerful and nice at heart(: Thanks for rushing down at odd hours, staying up late to complete the games preparations, and gamely acting in the skit. Oh and thanks for the conversations, the laughs, and going through all that effort to accommodate Theon. Haha, keep an eye out for water bombs that don't go where you intend them to go to (:
Elaine, do continue to speak up, contribute humourously to discussions, and to find fun in every activity, be it skit rehearsals or even meals.
Debbie, your trademark "huh?" still comes to mind . Despite your seemingly tired facade, you were remarkably positive throughout the camp, and I never did hear you complain either. Thanks for juggling schoolwork and the camp, and giving the committee that morale boost with your presence (:
Edgar, your endless guffaws and tireless encouragement helped to encourage us throughout the camp, not to mention the well-timed boxes of ice-cream, which unfortunately resulted in unwell-timed sleep. Thanks, for giving us the encouragement that we needed to stay focus and motivated (:
Auntie Suay Hong, the youthful auntie that made us look like tired retirees in comparison. Thanks for being the matured voice within the group, and for staying so bright and cheery that it invariably rubbed off on us as well (: I'm so glad that my sister has a Sunday School teacher like you!
The Guys.
Joachim, I believe that you were really outstanding in the camp, playing the brotherly figure for the sec ones, and being ever so supportive of us. I guess I got to know you all that much better during the camp, and I still have a long way to go to demonstrate the maturity that you did. Way to go, bro (:
Nigel, a veritable Santa Claus indeed (: Thanks for always placing others before yourself, for being so tirelessly considerate, and for reminding me that hey, there's always God and friends to count upon. You make us laugh, and you make us smile, so yeah, go you !
Matthew, you have this astonishing ability to stay calm no matter what, no matter when. Really, you've got to teach us all how to some day. Thanks for calming us all down when we get really anxious, and for showing us they life isn't all just about work; its about
chilling too. Old man outside, young man inside (:
Ximin, thanks for your intellectual insights, and for shedding a little wisdom in whatever planning we did. Its really great that you opened up more this camp, and talked to others besides us guys (: Stay wise and cheery, yeah?
The Committee.
Terence, mirroring what everyone else has said, you are indeed the brotherly figure in our lives, urging caution and yet pushing us forward. The camp probably would have fallen apart from the millions of ommitted details, had you not been there to point them out, and to remind us gently of our commitments and duties. Thanks man, you're like the brother i never had.
Joel, where exactly do you get all that bountless energy from? Must be from those discreet mineral salts of yours(: You know, I've always admired you for your intellect, for your dedication to serving Christ, and for your dauntless spirit. Thanks for steering us along as the chairman, and wait, for even concieving the idea of the whole camp. You RULE.
Jun, I must admit that i was really frustrated at you at times for not turning up for meetings, but you've done your fair share of the work, and well, I'm sorry. You've a quiet geniality that all of us seem to be terrible lacking, and that in and of itself, is really impressive. Smile more, and talk more yeah?
Eunice, I think i've said too much to you, and its going to be the same you daft person thing, haha, so just rack your memory. Other than that, well done for the camp, and keep serving, yeah?
The Others.
Audrey, I've been a jerk, and I'm really sorry about that, alright? Now that i think about it, I've been really insensitive in the past, and for that, I'm really sorry. Forgive me alright? Try to smile more (:
Victoria, still don't really know you, but you came across as being rather pleasant and cheerful. Please, stop doing all that maths homework, you and jeanette are really making me feel so guilty that I've been doing nothing but maths these two days. Ergh, 1+1 is 3 now. Haha, strange though, that I've "known" you for so long, and that yet, I've never really known you.
And to everyone else, thank you for reading this long post, and bearing with me. Yup, thats all, SMILE.
holding on to you.
7:26 PM
Sunday, June 04, 2006
I can't decide whether to be happy, or plain sad, now that the camp is over. The committee really benefitted from this camp, having seen it from fruition to completion, and realising God's power in it all and in our lives. It was akin to admiring the fragile sandcastle that you spent hours building, only to leave it to the mercy of the waves. Its joy, relief, sadness, laughter, frustration, hope, disappointment, nostalgia tossed into a pot, and drinking the entire concoction. I've come to know many individuals in the youth group all that much better, whether it be to their detriment or gain (I suspect the former, being the insecure idiot that I am). The committee: Terence, Joel, Nigel, Jeanette, Jun, Eunice, thanks for the prayer, support, and most importantly, friendship (: It was really so much fun working together with you, that against my better judgement, I won't mind doing it all again next year. Thanks for being a shoulder to lean upon, a paper to pen my frustrations on, and a friend to walk by my side. ; Batiment: Angela, Theon, Auntie Suay Hong, Elaine, Jeanette, Debbie, Edgar, yep, thanks for all the random banter and fun we shared as a team, you made the camp enjoyable for me, and kept me sane :); the guys: Joachim, Nigel, Matthew, Ximin, Terence, you were the ones I could always lean upon, whether for better or for worse, thanks for being there, doing your part, making me smile, and going the extra mile (:(: Most importantly, God, for refreshing me spiritutally in the course of the camp, impressing upon me the need for him to be the centre of my life, and holding my hand each step of the way.
To all those who I knew, THANK YOU.
To all those who I missed, THANK YOU.
To all those who I angered, frustrated, irritated, wore out, here's a big SORRY to you.
Don't let these friendships fade away, please. I've gone through that to many times, and its torn me apart each time. Someone knows that really well, I've just tagged your blog, I really don't have it within me to say what needs to be said, but I'm starting with sorry. I'm sorry for ignoring you, avoiding you, forgetting to smile at you, leaving you in the lurch, giving you false hopes, for the times wasted. SORRY. And to the
others in church, really, let me know if I'm just a bore, a chore or a friend. Let me know if you're just tolerating me, hoping that I'll get out of your way, or if I actually mean anything to you. I really want to know where i stand, so that I don't take a step, and fall. Let me know now, I hate being clueless and lost and hoping and praying and trying to impress and failing and getting all insecure and angsty and getting my hopes up and tearing them down and feeling sick with myself and thinking that i messed up and regretting it all when its over. If you are good looking, you are automatically liked. If you are social, you are liked. If you are charming, you are liked. Where am I? Nowhere. Its strange that after two years of similar posts, I have yet to figure out where I stand, in the youth group. Its a maze each Sunday, hoping that I said the right thing, did the right thing, and not knowing. I feel really stupid. REALLY. I might even say that I feel lost too. Whats the point of a dozen people saying that you are responsible, when no one tells you what matters, and that you matter? Do you smile just so that the conversation will end all that much faster? Strange, I still feel the need to BELONG. Its like I'm a stranger in a crowd of friends, like I always have to TRY to be noticed. ERK. Why do I feel so left out? its like the guys are in, and i'm out. We're all in the same boat, just that i'm balancing on the gangplank. LET ME KNOW, so I can try to change, instead of blindly floundering around. Do I have to go once more: hey here's present round two, here's my effort at smiling and being gracious, don't you notice i'm trying to fit in for #^&$^& sake, do you know i'm here, helllooo why are you all together going out and i'm never told, why are there (#@$*(* pictures of everyone together eating out, smiling, and andre is nowhere, why do i feel that despite trying the hardest out of all the guys, I get left out, given the cold shoulder? I'm sick of always having to take the first step, always having to try to be nice in the hope that SOMEBODY, ANYBODY will notice me. Why do i give out presents and get NOTHING in return? WHY do i even bother, when i know all i'm going to get is nothing, dammnit, nothing.
holding on to you.
10:49 PM
